i won't forget who you said I am...i can't

realize. revelation. ding. see it. get it. 

learning.

deep roots lie...

deep in me. 

in i.

always there.

never knew it.

never chose to saw

the weakness.

always chose to let you tell me 

who i am.

and now you are not.

not in the flesh.

always chose to let your  pride in me

 be my pride in me.

always basked and hid and grew in your 

wings of shade and protection.

deep roots.  always.

any fear... ran to you

any lie... ran to you

any doubt... ran to you

protection.

safety

security

assureity

unconditional

undeniable

unfathomable

your love.

filled my awareness.

so fully loved 

so fully secure.

what an amazing dad you were.

and now...

my mirror is gone.

realizing that

somewhere in me i need to become strong on my own now.

i don't have you reminding me when i need it.

i don't have your pride to sustain me.

i need to find it within myself, dad.  i need to stand on my own now and know i can.

you were always there if i fell...

always there to encourage.

you showed me what was inside me.  you saw who i was and always reminded me.  

now

 i

am left.

so often... just a mess.  

quickly forgetting who you said I am...

I need to stand strong

on my own

i need to grow up.

you aren't here to hold my hand.

to lift my head.

but this is what you prepared me for, isn't it?

I won't forget your pride in me, your love for me.

i can't imagine life without it.

you showed me 

who i am.

i won't forget.