when will it be changing?

refusing to be happy doesn't appeal, don't want to feel or heal.... o GOD I should kneal you are my king but my heart cannot grasp... it feels like a trap.  My God- have you forsaken me?  Cus when I think of what I have lost, - i wonder if you really exist in this list of things I wish to be true but too often they leave me blue knowing the fake wanna make their mark on my back and I do feel the attack but it's back my pain is all inside all turned around and caught up in lies that you don't hear my cries... my tears run dry.  Where are you? my savior my king/ I've given you everything my heart my life my dreams, what else do you want me to bring cus I'm out of ideas i'm out of hope am I supposed to just cope? or dare I dream bigger or dare i not? this freeze frame of tears running down is not slowing down keeps coming and staying despite the praying when will this be changing? my savior, my king? when will this be changing?